[VAXman(Admin)]

Originally Posted by progdirjim

In the shoutbox the other day, there were some hilarious ideas for how to respond to unsolicited phone calls.

Keithie started with: "I'm so glad you called! I haven't talked to anyone since I got out of prison"

Poda had several accents going on: "Missy ain't here sir", etc

and I had the response to "How are you sir?" - "I got a rash on my ass so bad I can't even sit down"...

What's your version?

TECHNOLOGY!

Caller ID. If you don't know the number, don't answer it. If it's an unpublished number, by all means NEVER answer.

Answering Machines or Voice Mail. If it's important, they'll leave a message.

Caller Intercept. This was a service the phone company provided when the telemarketer situation was really bad (before the do not call lists which, BTW, don't work). The caller, if an unpublished number or one you put on a list, calls they are sent to a voice menu where they must state their name and purpose of the call to get through. The phone then rings with a special ring. When you answer you hear the name and message recorded and can opt to accept the call or not. My attorney blocks his number and has been one of the few callers I seem to have to deal with with this caller intercept in place; all others simply hang up at the first request for their information.

When those fail, I say, "Who's calling?"... They respond. "What's this in reference to?" ... They respond. I then say, "To be honest with you, I don't live here. I'm in the middle of screwing the neighbor's wife while her husband out on a business trip. Now, If you don't mind, I'd like to get back to the task at hand before her kids come home from school." Leaves them speechless!