How To Get Rid of Telemarketers

[progdirjim(Admin)]

In the shoutbox the other day, there were some hilarious ideas for how to respond to unsolicited phone calls.

Keithie started with: "I'm so glad you called! I haven't talked to anyone since I got out of prison"

Poda had several accents going on: "Missy ain't here sir", etc

and I had the response to "How are you sir?" - "I got a rash on my ass so bad I can't even sit down"...

What's your version?

[NorCalKurt]

ask them to hold on, set the phone down and go about your business, drives them nuts. sometimes I will come back and they will still be there, then ask them to hang on again.

[Lellu]

You lousy sadists!

Back to the topic

Jim - How about speaking finnish to the phone?

[DEzerov]

Immediately ask them for their home phone number and the time they have dinner, then inform them that you'll call them back and interrupt them at their dinner time...I've actually done this!

[DamoXt7942]

"Anyway, could you enter into my mysterious religion gate?"

Ah...in Japan there're a lot of mysterious (aka eccentric) religions. I'm weak in them of course.

[VAXman(Admin)]

Originally Posted by progdirjim

In the shoutbox the other day, there were some hilarious ideas for how to respond to unsolicited phone calls.

Keithie started with: "I'm so glad you called! I haven't talked to anyone since I got out of prison"

Poda had several accents going on: "Missy ain't here sir", etc

and I had the response to "How are you sir?" - "I got a rash on my ass so bad I can't even sit down"...

What's your version?

TECHNOLOGY!

Caller ID. If you don't know the number, don't answer it. If it's an unpublished number, by all means NEVER answer.

Answering Machines or Voice Mail. If it's important, they'll leave a message.

Caller Intercept. This was a service the phone company provided when the telemarketer situation was really bad (before the do not call lists which, BTW, don't work). The caller, if an unpublished number or one you put on a list, calls they are sent to a voice menu where they must state their name and purpose of the call to get through. The phone then rings with a special ring. When you answer you hear the name and message recorded and can opt to accept the call or not. My attorney blocks his number and has been one of the few callers I seem to have to deal with with this caller intercept in place; all others simply hang up at the first request for their information.

When those fail, I say, "Who's calling?"... They respond. "What's this in reference to?" ... They respond. I then say, "To be honest with you, I don't live here. I'm in the middle of screwing the neighbor's wife while her husband out on a business trip. Now, If you don't mind, I'd like to get back to the task at hand before her kids come home from school." Leaves them speechless!

[Rick and Roll]

Used to bother me, not anymore. I simply say I'm not interested. If they persist I hang up. Of course most of the time with caller ID etc they don't get through.

I'd rather subject these types to ridicule face to face if possible anyway.

[DamoXt7942]

Originally Posted by Rick and Roll

Used to bother me, not anymore. I simply say I'm not interested. If they persist I hang up. Of course most of the time with caller ID etc they don't get through.

I'd rather subject these types to ridicule face to face if possible anyway.

A man of leisure all the year (like me ) has enough time to ridicule them.

[dinosaur]

I once seriously detested these kinds of calls. Then years ago I started responding with unexpected, but always really politely asked questions like "Can you call me back in five minutes?" or "I really want to speak with you but someone's at the door, can you hold on?"
After a while, I started trying to get the caller of his/her script by interrupting with a personal question of my own, sort of out of the blue, like "What color are your eyes?"
Then I looked forward to those calls, they were actually kinda fun.
Now, I don't seem to get them anymore. Hmmm....

[ramsgate]

We screen all our calls with an answering machine. It say "Hello, please leave a message after the tone", then there is a long silence on the other end.

[teermin8r]

I own a cell phone, my wife and daughter own cell phones. We never answer our house phone. We don't have an answering machine. If someone is calling my house phone it's obvious they don't know me. Our house phone is for emergencies and power outages. Our electric company will not except calls from a cell phone.

[OverHillandDale(Admin)]

Caller I.D.

[podakayne]

sometimes you just wanna/gotta let off steam from the day and there is no better replacement/outlet/satisfaction then letting some poor sop have it. it's harmless and they soon learn...yes i'm on the do not call list but i am still called by a lot of local folk.. i still lov to say in a strong asian accent

"i so slorry missy he no hera rye now ...you call bac next year okey-dokey bye!"

needless to say there's been a decrease

[VAXman(Admin)]

Originally Posted by podakayne

"i so slorry missy he no hera rye now ...you call bac next year okey-dokey bye!"

Rovery poda, you so rery rery funny!

[VAXman(Admin)]

Listen to this: http://joshualowry.vox.com/library/a...ab8c18e1d.html

[jtmckinley]

I have done what Kurt says which is fun. I've also once when drinking just kept this guy going around in circles logically about the plan he was offering (I was bored obviously) for about 30 minutes, eventually he got frustrated and hung up.

Nowadays I'm on the US do not call list (helps immensely) and screen caller ID for the rest, if I don't know the number I don't answer. Of course the US do not call list doesn't block politics or charities, so in this season in the US I'm getting more unwanted calls than usual, but the do not call list has made a HUGE difference for me in normal times. Finally, if you need to talk to me you better leave a message because sometimes I don't even bother to go answer the phone anymore.

[Rick and Roll]

Originally Posted by VAXman

Listen to this: http://joshualowry.vox.com/library/a...ab8c18e1d.html

i was looking for that in my jokes email section....couldn't find it - thanks for posting it...a classic.

[Yesspaz]

I like Seinfeld's answer to "Would you like to try [whatever]?" Hey enthusiastically says, "Yes!" and then hangs up.

[Roger -Dot- Lee(Admin)]

I've found the perfect way to completely cheeze them off.

I listen to their entire schpiel, asking all sorts of questions. I drag it out as long as I possibly can, even making like I'm taking notes on my computer. I even make smalltalk with them, telling them that I've worked in support, so I know how it feels to take abuse from customers, etc.

Then when it comes time to seal the deal, I tell them that I'm not interested, but I simply enjoyed wasting their time as a public service to my neighbors. Knowing full well that they're on commission, wasting their time starts becoming VERY expensive for them.

[RogorMortis]

At work and being a so called expert at English I get all the calls of those speaking English, which to say are 99% attempts of interesting me in the stockmarket. In the beginning I let the rope run but it always means another call from a more senior account manager, who are dangerous as they are competent salespersons and if actually proper English of Scottish, difficult to throw out. I now simply say "Fuck off" . Usually it works but then there's always another poor sod in the line.........