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#401
10-16-2003, 02:50 PM
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Re: Just to prove there are no hard feelings....
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#402
10-16-2003, 02:51 PM
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Re: Actually...
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#403
10-17-2003, 04:20 AM
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Re: Re: Actually...
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I was going to organize the jokes by category, you know, all the drummers are dumb jokes in one category, etc. But then I realized I wouldn't end up with any categories... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why to bands need Roadies? To translate what the drummer says. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two drummers walk into a bar... which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer? A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What does a drummer use for contraception? A: His personality! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do Ginger Baker and 7-11 coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordian." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops." At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off. After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!" "Bass solo." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but only after asking "Why?" ("Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?") -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner? You have to plug one of them in before it sucks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money? The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is the difference between a chiropodist and Ginger Baker? A chiropodist bucks up your feet!! (with apologies to Ginger Baker fans, ... and those that needed to reach for the dictionary for that one) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla? A really dumb gorrilla!!! (ba-dump bump <crash!>) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?" "Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. They have a machine to do that now. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer? A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Five: one to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do drummers have one more brain cell than a horse? So that when marching in a parade, they can avoid the sh*t on the road. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me either. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q:Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes? A: So you don't have to retrain the drummers. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An amateur drummer dies and goes to heaven. While he is waiting outside the pearly gates, he hears some incredibly fast drumming coming from within heaven. He immediately recognizes the playing, and asks St. Peter if that really is Buddy Rich playing drums in heaven. St. Peter responds: "No, that's G-d. He just thinks that he's Buddy Rich." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How can you make a drummer slow down? A: Put a sheet of music in front of him Q #2: How can you make that drummer stop? A: Put notes on it! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? A: So they can park in the handicapped spot. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A fellow walks into a shop and says to the shop assistant: "excuse me, I'd like to buy a guitar pick, and some strings." The shop assistant looks uncomprehendingly at his customer, and says "pardon?" "I'd like a guitar pick please, and some strings." The shop assistant thinks on this for a while, and then turns to his customer and says "you're a drummer aren't you?" "Yeah! How did you know man?" "This is a fish and chip shop." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up! Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The classic one: Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A: A drummer. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door? A: The knocking speeds up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door? A: He doesn't know when to come in. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to a gig and locked his keys in the car? It took him two hours to get the drummer out.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One friend to another: "Why do you hang around with that drummer??" "Beats me!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze? A: You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What does the average drummer get on an IQ test? A: Drool. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How can you tell when the stage riser is level? A: The drools comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend? A: Homeless. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band? A: "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job? A: "Would you like fries with that?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- No offense meant to any of my drummer buddies out there, honest. |
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#404
10-17-2003, 09:02 AM
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Bass Jokes
Since I'm a bass player, I know a few bass jokes.
Q. What did the piano player say to the bass player? A. Hey Look, I can do that with one hand. Q. Why was the bass player mad at the guitar player? A. Because the guitar player detuned one of his strings, but wouldn't tell him which one.
__________________
Feels like I'm fiddling while Rome is burning down. Think I'll lay my fiddle down, take a rifle from the ground! |
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#405
11-01-2003, 10:00 PM
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New Question
In an effort to bring this thread back to life, I offer the following question:
Who does the quote in my new signature come from? |
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#406
11-02-2003, 01:10 AM
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strictly a guess - Zappa. I don't think I'm right though...
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#407
11-02-2003, 09:00 AM
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Help!
I can't figure out what it means! What a weird thing to say!
Is there a way to have a new thread (a part 2 per se) on this, is it needed? |
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#408
11-03-2003, 04:38 AM
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Re: New Question
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I would have said Zappa too but can find nothing to substantiate this. |
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#409
11-03-2003, 12:20 PM
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Zappa is incorrect, and I doubt anybody's going to get the correct answer unless they've picked up the Rush in Rio DVD (which is very good by the way). I just found the quote highly amusing in context which is why I brought it up here.
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#410
11-03-2003, 12:36 PM
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on Friday?
My son is picking it up on his birthday.
Let's guess Neil Peart. Only one guess per customer, that's mine! |
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#411
11-03-2003, 02:28 PM
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Bob!
Bob, you sneak! I was formulating a question last night to bring this thread back, and you beat me to it. BTW, I have no idea where you're quote is from.
__________________
Feels like I'm fiddling while Rome is burning down. Think I'll lay my fiddle down, take a rifle from the ground! |
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#412
11-03-2003, 07:07 PM
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Re: on Friday?
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#413
11-03-2003, 08:56 PM
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Come on!!!!
I took my shot, I did it my way.... oh sorry - someone guess Geddy or Alex, and let's get this thread back on the road!
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#414
11-04-2003, 02:39 AM
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Re: Come on!!!!
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I'm guessing that because the previous post from Yesspaz was about Bass players and a little auto suggestion might have crept in there.  |
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#415
11-04-2003, 10:52 AM
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I'll take Alex, even though I previously guessed Zappa. I'm the program director, I can cheat!
and since Yesspaz didn't guess, I'll even turn the question over to him if I "win" |
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#416
11-04-2003, 11:01 AM
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Geddy Lee is correct.
I'm counting on an ingenious question from you, Keith. Last edited by Bob Lentil : 11-04-2003 at 10:14 PM. |
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#417
11-04-2003, 11:08 AM
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#418
11-04-2003, 11:11 AM
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#419
11-05-2003, 08:20 PM
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Keith, Keith, Keith!
Question?
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#420
11-06-2003, 02:06 AM
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Re: Keith, Keith, Keith!
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It's on the Album "A Question of Balance" and is sung by Justin Hayward. But to be serious for a nano second....Links 1) VDGG and King Crimson have a link to the most abundant element in the universe. Explain. 2) What word links Rush to Kate Bush? 3) How are Jethro Tull linked to Sky.........a bit obscure this one I think but knowing you people as I do you'll get this straight away. Last edited by KeithieW : 11-06-2003 at 03:50 AM. |
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